The Comfort of Community
“The security center is such a lonely level of consciousness. When your consciousness is preoccupied with striving toward what you feel to be your security needs, you are more isolated from people than at any other level. And your energy will be at its lowest. When you are preoccupied with security, you are trapped in conflicting conditions in your relationships with others. You create “others” as objects to help you become more secure – or as objects to fight because they threaten your level of security. On the security level, you can not love others since this level creates great distances between you and other people.” – Ken Keyes, Jr.
Innately, what is important to the inhabitants of the good ship earth are people. Not wealth or celebrity, but interaction and experience of people. In the late 90’s global opinion polling revealed that the number one desire of people is to have meaningful relationships with others, and the thing which they are most afraid of is losing these essential people in their lives. In a majority of cases, the basic needs as humans involve the interactions and associations with others. In this arena, the quality usurps the quantity. In the battlefield of true, reciprocated acceptance, it is the value we hold for others which is the currency of the bond. Without this means of interaction, love is not possible. The understanding of another, acceptance beyond condition, love, trust and reliance; these are the aspects of community we long for with others. When we allow the conditional or self-focus to come between ourselves and others we inhibit the communal reciprocation experience which we long for. If the conditions of situation become a filter for those we love, we lose sight of the true avenue of acting in their best interest, and will ultimately reject them at some level. When a member of your community fails, whether in achievement or expectation, and our reciprocated response is to reinforce their failure by ostracizing them, berating them for their failure, or retaliating in their state of need; we, in return, fail them by not responding to them in light of the unconditional bond. When circumstances do not line up with our desired result and we return our alliance to ourselves, we fail to keep perspective of the ones we love preeminent to our own subjective satisfaction. As Mr. Keyes states above, focusing on ourselves within relational interactions brings us to a lonely and self-tormented place.
The greatest example of retaining an “others focused” relationship which has lasting benefit is in the person of Jesus Christ. He lived as one who allowed his reputation to be tarnished by associating with the hated, diseased and ostracized of society. He related as one who returned his friend Peter’s public denial of even knowing Him with the redemptive opportunity of affirming his hearts true dedication in committing to his love for the Savior. He objected to the mores of his time by healing someone on the Sabbath, despite the ridicule and accusation to himself, exemplifying the importance of satisfying the need of another over the need of propriety. This was the almighty Christ who allowed the boastful to whip and beat Him, who did not simply tolerate those who gambled for his clothes and mockingly crowned Him “King of the Jews” with thorns: He loved them amidst their action against Him. He asked the Father for their forgiveness in their ignorance. He died on their behalf that they might be held as blameless.
The experience of others in our lives is a pivotal means of survival. When we live with the methodology of responding to others according to their needs, even in moments when it must come at the cost of ourselves, we find the fulfillment of our longing completed in our experience of community. When our attention is attuned to responding to the desires of others, and we relinquish our pursuit of self, we find a satisfaction which transcends the singular achievement of self and is embraced in the shared success of significance. We defeat the isolation of personal importance and partake of the community of wholeness. The reality of Christ in this situation is that we will not go unscathed in this pursuit. We will have adversity, our reputation may be questioned, we may be knocked down, insults will be hurled, and efforts of mind and body will take immense amounts of strength; but the rewards will far outlast the temporal. The friendship will be a resource in times of need. The connection will inspire you when you feel you are about to stumble. The acceptance and love will rally another to your side when you fail. The reality of living and significance will be your treasure and the comfort of your community will be the hands and feet of sustenance God uses to encourage you as you live each day.